New Friends

For the past month or so, Graecyn has had a very difficult time falling asleep; the only way she would fall asleep was if I was nursing her.  The bad part was that whenever she would wake up, I wouldn't be there and she would become extremely distraught...crying and screaming until I would nurse her back to sleep again.  We realized how much of a problem it was after she was consistently waking up at least 2 (sometimes 3) times each night...and not going back to sleep unless either I nursed her to sleep or Eric gave her a bottle.

I begrudgingly agreed that it was time to begin the weaning process...for Graecyn's sake.  I never expected it to be so hard to give it up; I've had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding over the last 11 months.  In the beginning, I struggled with Graecyn's latching issues which led to very painful nursing sessions; there were supply issues that led to Graecyn not gaining enough weight.  I had frequent painful clogged ducts.  In the beginning, it seemed as though every waking minute was spent nursing or pumping; anytime I had a few free minutes to myself, they had to be spent pumping.

While I was pregnant, I set the goal to breastfeed for the first year.  I never anticipated the difficulties I would experience.  Once Graecyn arrived and we started the breastfeeding process, my 1 year goal started to fade.  Instead, I set much smaller goals...if I can make it past the first 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 3 months.  Finally by around 4 months, things became "normal" and the whole process started to click.  As I met my mini goals, it seemed more and more likely that I would make it to my initial goal of 1 year.

Now here we are, 3 weeks and 3 days away from 1 year...and I don't think we're going to make it.  You see, a few days ago, to help lower her demand for me and to help her sleep, we introduced Graecyn to a stuffed dolphin.  This dolphin has quickly become her new friend...her best friend...and her replacement for me.  We gave it to her one day befor her morning nap; she snuggled right up to it and fell fast asleep with no crying; she did it again for her afternoon nap and at bedtime.  We're now on day 4 of the dolphin and she's going to sleep with no crying and staying asleep all night.  Her need and desire to nurse has dimished each night to the point that tonight she didn't want to nurse at all - she wanted her dolphin and not her mama (yes, a few tears were shed by me). While it is the cutest thing to see her snuggle up to this dolphin and it makes me so happy to know that she's getting the sleep that she needs, it makes me sad that this stage is coming (or maybe has already come) to an end.  I'm proud that I was able to defeat the challenges and make it this far; I will cherish this experience and our bonding time forever.